Loneliness Increases Chances of Early Death by 14%

New research demonstrates loneliness is a silent killer for older adults.

Loneliness is not defined by any objective criteria such as the quantity of one’s relationships or friendships. Rather, loneliness is defined by a subjective feeling of powerful social or emotional isolation and disconnection. As such, someone might be married and have friends yet still feel extremely lonely.

University of Chicago Researcher John Cacioppo and his colleagues examined the impact of loneliness on the emotional and physical health of older adults. They found that loneliness disrupts sleep, increases depression, and lowers one’s overall feeling of subjective well-being. In addition, loneliness increases stress and levels of cortisol, increases blood pressure and depresses immune system functioning. Among their startling conclusions:

The 3 Relationship Skills You Need to Practice

Looking back over my 20 years as a couples therapist, and considering the many other couples I’ve encountered in my personal life, I realize that the happiest and most satisfied of them exhibited three specific relationship skills. Don’t be disheartened if you and/or your partner are not great at these skills. They rarely come pre-installed; they need to be learned and practiced:

1. Empathy

Empathy refers to being able to step into another person’s shoes and understand their experience and point of view so that you can gain an appreciation of how they feel, and then step out again. Of course, you also have to be able to convey your insights to that person accurately for them to benefit from your efforts at understanding.

can smilling make us happy?

Go ahead, twitch a few facial muscles. When it comes to mood altering magic, it turns out that smiling really does make a difference. Not just to others, but to ourselves as well.

Psychologists experimenting with what has come to be known as embodied cognition have long known that facial gestures, in addition to reflecting, can actually influence and alter emotional states.

Feeling down? Stick a pencil in your mouth. But be careful where you place it. Hold it between your lips and you’ll be flexing frown muscles—and your resulting mood will only darken. If, on the other hand, you bite down on it with your teeth, you’ll be giving your smile muscles a gentle work out—and will be feeling better in practically no time.

Don’t believe me? Ask Fritz Strack, the German researcher who conducted a series of such experiments some 20 years ago.

I myself was inclined toward disbelief—until I was required to duplicate the experiment as a condition of employment.

Back when I was trying to break into the field of professional animal training, I landed a job at an oceanarium. I had visions of myself frolicking with Flipper to earn my pay, but hadn’t quite realized what starting at the bottom actually meant. I was handed a broom and a dust pan and instructed to pick up trash left behind by tourists at show stadium pools.

Hardly a job to write home about. But that, as they say, is show biz.

In fact, my new employer informed me, as stage hands Flipper and I had quite a lot in common. If either of us stopped smiling, we’d be keeping each other company in the unemployment line. Paying customers wanted smiling dolphins and smiling people. My mood didn’t matter; the image I projected did.