I can still vividly recall the sordid experience of a very close friend of mine, Nkechi, which she shared with one f my friends recently. As a teenager, Nkechi’s uncle and his wife were living with her family. He was her favourite uncle and she loved him dearly. One night, while her mum was out of town, Nkechi’s life took a new turn. Her uncle came into her room late in the night, held her down and raped her. This thirteen year old girl was devastated, helpless and totally confused. What had she done to warrant this act? She wondered. Nkechi wept all night in dismay.
The following morning, she went in search of help and a safe haven. She went to her best friend, who was a teenager herself, in search of answers.
Nkechi was distraught but like most sexually abused children, the shame and guilt made it difficult for her to open up to anyone except her teenage friend. Nkechi’s friend consoled her but advised her not to tell anyone because no one would believe her story over that of an adult. She warned that if the incidence was made public, the shame might be too difficult for Nkechi to bear, especially when she’s with other extended family members. She might also tear the family apart if she speaks out. She advised Nkechi to put the incidence behind her and move on.
I find it really disturbing that two young girls could be trying to solve a problem of this magnitude. Sadly, shortly after the first incidence, he raped her again and things were no longer the same for Nkechi. She began to have severe anxiety, never wanting to go home.
Fortunately for her, the incidence happened during the long vacation so as soon as her mum returned, she requested to spend the rest of the holiday at her cousin’s. She became withdrawn and passive. She was always tired because she was extremely fearful of bed time and was not sleeping well. She stayed with her cousin for as long as possible and when it was time to return, the young girl had a new plan. She was going to get a knife or some other weapon and keep in her room whenever her mum was away. Yes! She was ready to murder her uncle if he ever came near her again. Fortunately for her, her mum never travelled till he moved out with his family.
To all mothers out there, let us be vigilant. Sexual abuse continues to thrive because abusers rely on the fact that most children are too frightened to speak out. They have been threatened and are ashamed to tell anyone about the abuse. Hence, it becomes our responsibility to look out for the telltale signs. Let’s learn from the signs Nkechi exhibited, which have been proven as signs of abuse.
Nkechi became withdrawn, passive, had loss of appetite, showed signs of exhaustion and lack of sleep. She had a change of attitude when interacting with her ‘favourite uncle’. She had abrupt mood swings and appeared very angry when her uncle was around. She no longer wanted to be a part of previously enjoyed family time, watching TV and having dinner with her family.
These behavioural and emotional changes should have been enough indication for her mum to suspect something was not quite right, or wait a minute, may be just like a lot of mothers, her mum could simply have been in denial.
Let us constantly be at alert and not in denial. Look out for the tell tale signs of abuse. Child sexual abuse is real and we must do all within our means to save our vulnerable, innocent children from predators. Today, Nkechi helps sexually abused victims. There are several non-governmental organisations that provide support and counsel, if you think you need help.
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